♈ Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Aries, you will absolutely die on the hill that you’re always right. Doesn’t matter if Google says otherwise, you’re arguing with confidence, volume, and vibes. You could be wrong in HD and still act like it’s a conspiracy against you.
♉ Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Taurus, your hill? Comfort > everything. You will fight to the death for your side of the bed, your go-to food order, or your 10-year-old hoodie that’s falling apart but “still good.” No, you don’t want to try something new. Ever.
♊ Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Gemini, you will defend your need to text 3 people at once, overshare, AND then disappear like it’s your birthright. You said what you said, but also, you didn’t mean it, but also, you kind of did. And yes, you will ghost with peace and love.
♋ Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Cancer, you will die on the hill that you are not that sensitive. Meanwhile, you’re crying because someone used a period in a text. You will make someone apologize for something they did in a dream. You believe in emotional justice.
♌ Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Leo, your hill is this: You are the main character and everybody should act accordingly. The lighting? Yours. The drama? Yours. You didn’t ask to be adored, but here we are. Your presence is the plot twist.
♍ Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo, you will absolutely die on the hill that you’re not controlling, you just know the right way to do everything. You don’t trust the process—you are the process. And you’d rather do it yourself than watch someone do it wrong.
♎ Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Libra, you’ll die on the hill that you’re unbothered and chill—as you secretly stalk someone’s story views for 3 hours straight. You want peace, but you also want drama with pretty lighting and a cute outfit. You’re aesthetically chaotic.
♏ Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Scorpio, your hill? Trust is earned, not given—and even when it’s earned, you’ll still side-eye. You will never forgive someone who wronged you in 2014. You’ve got receipts, screenshots, and a locked vault of grudges.
♐ Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Sagittarius, you will die on the hill that commitment is a scam and freedom is your love language. You want deep conversations and zero emotional responsibility. One text about “where this is going” and you're booking a solo trip to Greece.
♑ Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Capricorn, your hill? Grind now, cry later. You think feelings are a distraction and rest is earned through suffering. You’d rather schedule a breakdown for next Thursday than admit you’re burnt out. You hustle like the rent’s due twice.
♒ Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Aquarius, you’ll die on the hill that you’re not weird, you’re just built different. You say things like “time isn’t real” and unironically believe in conspiracy theories—but also won’t return a text for 9 days because you were “in your own dimension.”
♓ Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces, your hill? Love can fix it. The world could be on fire, and you’d be like “but maybe they’ll change.” You believe in soulmates, signs from the universe, and healing someone who clearly needs therapy and a restraining order. You are delulu, and proud.